This my basic sentence that I will attempt to "telescope" with: Shelia dragged the heavy box across the yard.
Zoom 1: Shelia dragged the heavy box across the yard, the box laden with seven years of memories from a job that no longer existed.
Zoom 2: Shelia dragged the heavy box across the yard, the box laden with seven years of memories from a job that no longer existed, memories that both hurt and soothed her battered soul.
Panning: Shelia dragged the heavy box across the yard, the box laden with seven years of memories from a job that no longer existed, memories that both hurt and soothed her battered soul, while John stood unsmiling at the open door.
Panning w/Zoom: Shelia dragged the heavy box across the yard, the box laden with seven years of memories from a job that no longer existed, memories that both hurt and soothed her battered soul, while John stood unsmiling at the open door, the door a silent symbol of opportunities undiscovered.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I really like the way that you used the telescoping tool in your sentence. As a reader read the original sentence, there are a lot of unanswered questions, such as: Why is Sheila dragging the box across the yard? Where is she taking the box? What is in the box?
As you telescope in, these questions are grudaully answered, but you leave enough of an element of mystery to really make it interesting. I think this truly is a great sentence!
Post a Comment